


a series of small attentions

by unfolded



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: ALL THE SPOILERS, Drabble Collection, F/M, Wordcount: 100, songfic if you squint, turns out i'm not great at tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-19 18:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10645641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfolded/pseuds/unfolded
Summary: or: an angaran reflection on a human alphabet-----100-word drabbles, one for each letter, all from Jaal's perspective. Fluffy and light, mostly. Spoilers for all of ME:A, including endgame.





	1. attraction

It begins as an academic curiosity.

Humans are built differently than angara, and their structural deviations have practical effects. He’s fascinated by Ryder’s hands (five seems like rather too many fingers to manage properly). He notices, too, the difference in her gait: the way her hips sway as she moves conveys a surprising amount of grace.

One evening, he finds her on the floor of the cargo hold, practicing what Lexi had called ‘yoga.’ Ryder brings her legs up and then over her head, her toes brushing the floor. Her knees are nearly level with her face.

Simple academic curiosity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something to fill my love for Jaal and Sara - hoping for daily updates, but you know what they say about famous last words. I like a bit of music with my writing, so I'll be adding a track to each chapter that matches the 'feel' of that particular topic.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> "talk show host" - radiohead


	2. breakfast

She has the same drink every morning. The smell of it leaves a bitter sting in his throat.

The morning after they rescue the Moshae, he brings it to her on the bridge. He can see the darkness under her eyes, and knows she has not slept.

She takes the cup from him with a curious smile and sips. Her eyes widen in surprise.

“You already added cream and sugar? How did you know? Do angara have coffee?”

“No,” he replies. “I simply watched.”

They stand in silence on the bridge, and if she cries, he does not question it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i don't feel it anymore (song of the sparrow)" - william fitzsimmons


	3. combat

On the field, Ryder is a study in opposites.

Her tactical skill is no surprise to him; she’s logical by nature, and her recon specialist training is evident. She has a habit of living on the fringes of battle, picking off enemies with headshots or a well-placed biotic shockwave.

But in the more difficult fights - when they’ve been in the field for hours and her silver armor is streaked with blood - Ryder occasionally pulls a Katana off her back and blasts her way into the fray.

She looks like justice, and fury, and the terrible wrath of a goddess scorned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter inspired by the fact that I started the game as a tech spec and ended it by basically blasting the shit out of everything at close range. The new flexible profile system is my jam.
> 
> track for this chapter is "talking body - the young professionals remix" - tove lo + the young professionals


	4. death

Their plan is desperate, and the thought of it fills him with an acute sense of panic. There must be some other way: something safer than asking an AI to stop her heart.

SAM is an asset, but it is an unknown variable. It is an invention of Ryder’s father, and Ryder’s father is dead by the hand of whatever it did to him on Habitat 7.

Ryder looks at him. In a split second, he knows that she understands all of these things, and he knows what she will do next.

“Do it, SAM,” she says, and then drops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "afterimage 2" - max richter


	5. email

“Liam,” he says, “do humans often communicate via messaging systems?”

“Yeah,” Liam replies, tinkering with a holo display. “Got to, when you’re spread out like we are. Why?”

“I sent Sara a message. It seemed to unsettle her.”

“Ryder doesn’t really do ‘unsettled’. What’d you say?”

“I simply told her how much I enjoy her company and how lovely I find her.”

Liam chuckles. “I don’t think she’s unsettled, Casanova. Probably just surprised.”

“That’s absurd. Surely she’s been told these things before.”

“Not how humans work, mate. Not most of us, anyway.”

Jaal resolves to begin his next draft immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "location" - khalid


	6. family

My dearest son,

I understand your hesitation, but you must be bold. No, your Pathfinder is not angaran - but your messages tell me that she is brave, and good, and that her laughter sounds like music to your soul. If these things are true, then what difference should her origins make? Count yourself fortunate that she has found her way to you. The universe speaks to you both.

If she truly makes your heart sing, you must tell her. And you  _ must _ bring her home to meet us.

I am so very proud of you, Jaal.

Stars guide you,

Sahuna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to the fun ones, now :)
> 
> track: "all the pretty girls" - kaleo


	7. guests

Havarl delights Ryder.

 

“It’s beautiful here,” she says. “The wildlife’s a little murderous, but that’s nothing a vault can’t fix. Perfect vacation spot.”

“My family lives here,” he replies. “You are always welcome to stay with us.”

She grins. “Excellent. Tell them to reserve the guest room.”

“Angara don’t have guest rooms - there’s not enough space.”

“Bummer. So no sleepovers?”

“The guest stays in the room with whoever invited them. As my guest, you would stay with me. Is this different in your culture?”

 

He can’t help but notice that Ryder’s cheeks have turned a rather lovely shade of pink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "the sun" - maroon 5


	8. hope

Ryder’s visits to the tech lab are the undisputed highlight of his day. Today’s topics include the finer points of angaran culture - religion, family, education - and the conversation seems to be winding down when she strikes.

 

“I think you’re great,” she says, and then immediately blushes. It’s the most charming thing he’s ever seen. 

“That’s so -”

“It’s true,” she interrupts - equal parts earnest and embarrassed - and then immediately stutters out a goodbye. He’s never seen someone leave a conversation so fast.

 

He watches the doors close behind her, and feels inside himself the sunrise of a brilliant and blooming hope.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "hope" - tim legend ft. BR/\VE


	9. implications

“I was really worried,” Sara says, and his heart aches at the raw fear in her voice.

“It will heal,” he replies. “All scars do.”

And it’s true, but it’s not enough, and his urge to comfort her overwhelms him. His hand is in her hair and his forehead is pressed against hers before he can really consider it - before it occurs to him that it might not mean the same thing for humans as it does for angara.

But when Sara lifts a small hand to his neck and closes her eyes, he knows she has understood him perfectly.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "re: stacks" - bon iver
> 
> There's been so much love for this little project - thanks to all of you who've left comments, kudos, or just enjoyed a chapter or two before moving along. Appreciate you!


	10. jealousy

He’s in Resistance Headquarters on Aya. They’d found valuable intel related to a missing squadron on Voeld, and Ryder had asked him to pass it along to his contacts. He’s pointing out relevant map locations to a recon scout when she passes by, throwing him a smile as she disappears into the med bay.

The scout makes an appreciative noise as the door closes behind her. “An interesting specimen, that one. Wouldn’t mind seeing how  _ compatible _ we are with humans if she’s involved.”

The (rather _ unwarranted _ ) force of Jaal’s bioelectric response puts a quick end to that line of thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "r u mine?" - arctic monkeys


	11. kiss

Jaal has experienced a hundred joys in his life - the pride of dismantling his first kett weapon, the laughter of his family around a shared meal, the sweetness of a first love - and in this moment, they are nothing to him.

His universe is only this: Sara Ryder, sitting on his childhood bed, kissing him as if it’s the only thing in the world she wants to do. She tastes like fruit, and spice, and something that he can only identify as _her_.

The stars of a thousand galaxies are hidden inside her mouth, and he will explore them all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "there will be time" - mumford & sons ft. baaba maal
> 
> credit to margoteve for guessing the title of this chapter! happy to take on a one-shot with a prompt of your choice as reward :)


	12. luck

He and Sara Ryder never should have met.

She came to him through an impossible journey: the survivor of a six hundred year sleep, her home galaxy unknown and unmapped on any angaran star chart. She was one soul in twenty thousand chosen to find her people a new world. She crash landed onto Aya on a day he happened to be there, during a moment when he was standing close enough to Evfra to be assigned to meet her.

He doesn’t know what to call it - luck or divinity or a benevolent universe - but it is his greatest gift.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "the stable song" - gregory alan isakov


	13. movement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A note on rating: this chapter marks the transition from a T to M rating for this fic. I tend to rate conservatively, and while there won’t be any explicit content in future chapters, this is a good place to stop for those individuals who would like to avoid any sexual topics or references._

Their kiss on Havarl is chaste, but it awakens a hunger in him. Now that he knows they are compatible - has felt the weight of his desire - he aches to see how far that truth might take them.

When she can spare it, they spend a few hours of the evening together, giving each other a chance to test the waters. Once, their exploration extends until she moves underneath him like a wave, the buttons of her fatigues catching against his undersuit’s clasps as she rolls up and against him.

She is an ocean. He longs to drink her dry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "escalate" - tsar b


	14. need

She is a force of nature, and the world bends to her will.

He wouldn’t have thought it when he first met her, that this small and fragile thing could be so _indomitable_. Her power courses through everything: she is breathtaking and savage in battle, unrelenting in diplomacy, fiercely protective of her team and mission.

She kisses him raw, leaves crescent imprints of her nails on his arms and back, delights when he takes his teeth to her neck and leaves tiny, blooming bruises in his wake.

She reduces him to nothing but his _need_ , unendurably bitter and endlessly sweet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blondetwist, YOUR DAY HAS COME, as we knew it would. congrats on guessing today's title! feel free to pick any chapter from this work that you'd like to see expanded, and a one-shot shall be created in your honor.
> 
> track: "supernova" - house of lions


	15. ordinary

They’re on the couch in her quarters, his feet propped on the coffee table and hers tucked under his thigh. He’s perusing one of her human biology books ( _ to verify her comments about how vision works _ , he tells her, but the chapters on anatomy provide quite a bit of useful information). She’s skimming through datapads with resource updates, allocating out their recent finds to appropriate outposts, humming a tuneless melody under her breath.

When he looks back on it later, Jaal will recognize this as the perfectly ordinary moment where he truly began to fall in love with Sara Ryder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "work song" - hozier


	16. plans

It’s late into the night cycle when he tosses the remains of his nutrient paste in the galley trash and moves towards the hallway (he’d missed dinner dismantling a new kett rifle). He’s thinking about potential modifications when he comes face to face with a very wet, mostly naked Sara Ryder.

She’s just come from the showers. Her hair hangs in damp strands around her face; he watches, utterly captivated, as a droplet of water makes its way down her chest and disappears beneath her towel.

He thinks of his favorite waterfall on Aya, and has a very interesting idea.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "left hand free - lido remix" - alt-j


	17. quiet

It takes some time to understand the ways she loves him.

She offers him no extensive praise, never asks to be introduced to his family or invites him to meet hers, doesn’t show any preference for him in the field over other squad members.

It would have looked like shame, if she were angara.

But she  _ isn’t _ angara, and her love is a quieter thing. The brush of her hand against his as they step out of the airlock, the passcode that lets him bypass the lock on her quarters: this is her love, wrapped in a hundred tiny moments.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "you're gonna live forever in me" - john mayer


	18. road

He takes her to Aya and learns the world that lives inside her body.

The thundering of her heart is the time by which he marks the length of days. Every desperate kiss is a wave that carries him to the shore, the snap of her hips a tide that sweeps him back out to sea. She breathes, and the sun rises and falls across a perfect sky. She clenches around him, and the world of her body is  _ opened  _ to him, as intimate and familiar as his own bones.

Her quiet sigh is the road that leads him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "the sea and the rhythm" - iron and wine


	19. secrets

He finds her in her quarters, staring blankly out the window. They’d stopped by the Nexus that morning, and she’d returned from SAM Node pale and quiet. 

She doesn’t turn as the door slides open and he comes to stand beside her. It is a long time before she speaks.

“Has Sahuna ever lied to you?”, she asks. She sounds a thousand miles away.

“No,” he answers.

“My dad lied, Jaal. About things I don’t think I can forgive him for.”

He remembers an angaran saying - _ blood is the currency of secrets _ \- and learns the price of Alec Ryder’s pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "9 crimes" - damien rice
> 
> Tried my best to avoid spoilers for the full memory-related quest, but if you haven't finished that in-game, this chapter may be somewhat confusing.


	20. theatre

With the exception of the film itself, movie night is a tremendous success.

Sara’s nestled into his chest, her head heavy with sleep on his shoulder, peaceful and content and lovelier than he’s ever seen her. The sight of it strikes some deep and resonant note in him, and it echoes in his chest, fills him with warmth and a sense of _rightness_. He’s known infatuation, but he’s never known this: a quiet affection borne from trust, from a fondness rooted in friendship, from all the things they dream of for each other.

He loves her, and it is _everything_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "rivers and roads" - the head and the heart


	21. undress

They set a return course for Khi Tasira, and a piece of him fractures.

The Archon has been quiet in a way that makes him afraid, and every instinct in him birthed from a lifetime of war screams that _ they are not safe _ . He searches Sara’s face for an echo of his fear and does not find it.

He knows there are no words to save them, now.

He undresses her in a silent vigil: kisses every scar exposed as fabric falls away, swallows her moans in his mouth, and buries himself in the quiet of her body underneath his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "better love" - hozier
> 
> Early post for your Friday. We're getting towards the end, folks!


	22. vengeance

She dies, and a piece of him dies with her. She rises, but that piece of him does not: he has seen the lifeless body of the woman he loves, and he cannot turn back from it.

The number of enemies on Meridian is endless, and it fills him with a savage gladness. He is anchored by his rage, by the taste of blood in his mouth, by the crumbling of a world he would gladly burn to save her.

It is the first time he kills someone without remorse, and he knows he will never be quite the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "lux aeterna" - clint mansell


	23. waist

They are _alive_.

This is Meridian: as large as Voeld, as verdant as Havarl, as beautiful as Aya. He feels as though his chest might burst, that he might fly into a million pieces, swept up by the breeze of this new world.

There is light as far as the eye can see. All he sees is her.

She looks at him, and the joy in her eyes is the loveliest thing he has ever known. He pulls her up and into his arms: she laughs, wraps her legs around his waist, and turns her face towards the rising sun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "interlude for piano" - peter bradley adams


	24. xenophobia

[[FWD: AMA DARAV, J.]]

**To:** Ryder, S.

**From:** Tann, J.

Ryder,

A note on the Meridian broadcast: your dramatic display of affection towards your alien companion was unnecessary. In the future, please remember that your actions reflect the priorities of the Initiative and the Milky Way.

_Director Tann_

\--------------

**To:** T’Vessia, K.

**From** : Ryder, S.

**CC:** Ama Darav, J.

Keri,

In the spirit of diplomacy, attached is a vid on human / angaran physical compatibility. It includes medical information from Dr. T’Perro and demonstrational footage from Jaal Ama Darav and myself.

Please forward to all media contacts for unrestricted distribution.

_S. Ryder_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "wrong" - max ft lil uzi vert
> 
> Blondetwist, YA DUN IT AGAIN re: guessing this title. Redeem for another bonus extended chapter of your choice!


	25. yearning

She is holding an angaran youngling, and the look on her face stops his heart in his chest.

The child’s parents stand nearby, exhausted, proud to introduce their newborn to the Pathfinder. Sara looks down at the infant cradled in her arms, and makes a distinctly human cooing noise as she puts her finger on the tip of its nose. It squints, then sneezes, and she grins; the youngling squirms and snuggles deeper into her chest, chasing the warmth it finds there.

She looks up and meets his gaze, and he sees his own yearning reflected perfectly back at him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "atlas: life" - sleeping at last
> 
> 3 things:  
> 1\. Blondetwist on the three-peat, y'all. You are running the game re: chapter title guesses - add another expanded chapter to your list!  
> 2\. Riana1, a preview of what I'll be expanding for your extra chapter! Hope you're into it :)  
> 3\. ONE MORE DAY


	26. zero

Balance is a cruel thing.

He was born into a family he loved that was stolen from him, member of a world that craved peace but knew only war. He learned to hate the enemy, only to find that the enemy was his own people. His life had been a zero sum game, every beautiful thing mangled by darkness.

She came, and the balance came for her: to kill her, to take her family, to bury her fledgling hope in the dust of her golden worlds.

She came, and he felt the balance shift.

She came, and it changed everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> track: "to build a home" - the cinematic orchestra
> 
> Friends, we made it.
> 
> This story has been a journey, and it's been a joy to walk it with you. I have valued every single one of the hundreds (!!!) of comments this work has received, especially from those readers who have been so consistently wonderful in their feedback and praise: blondetwist, riana1, buttsonthebeach, margoteve, comicwritergirl, ohhstark, sumi, pikuna, wifebeast__s, unrund, wickedwitchofthewilds, and others I'm certain I've missed - THANK YOU for your support, and for making writing this fic so fucking FUN. To all of you who left kudos, you made my day a little brighter every time.
> 
> This work isn't quite done - I have a few expanded chapters left to add, though they won't be on a daily update schedule - but I hope it brought you a little extra joy.
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
